"You don't have to be gay to have a 14 year old penis"
-Guy on manscaping

"I feel comfortable hearing you come in from behind"
- Guy on visitors

"I can't read it but I can tell that it is wrong."

Guy on his special powers

"I had one of the greatest nights of my life with Nic Hodges."

Guy on what happens on tour, stays on tour.

"I can't wait to get my son or daughter on my norks. No nutrients, but they would be that into norks!"

Guy on Breast feeding.

"It's got to be what's right for the brand, not the man."

Guy on coming second

"I took my mum over to the park... It was kinda like Wicked, it was green."
Guy on Musicals

“Do you know who I am going to do it with today? My Mother...”
Guy on doing lunch.

“I’m a bit like a shit old chair…. Deceptively cool”
Guy Rooke on first impressions

"Where do you find midgets if you want to date them? I don't mean for me...
it's for a friend."

Guy on having an open mind

Have you ever stood naked in front of the mirror and done a life drawing?

Guy on artistic practice

"Do those bald cats feel anything like ball sacks?"

Guy on zoology

If I farted in a bottle of Evian and put it on eBay, I wonder how much i would get for it?

Guy on Supplementary income

"I rock my own world"

Rookey on self reflection.

I love you like a brother....who died in the war.

Guy on Glenn moving desks

Don't be fooled by this facade. I am a black man underneath.

Guy on alter egos.

"Anyone who likes the Foo Fighters is a friend of mine."

Guy on overrated 90's rock bands

"Doing original work is what gets me leaping out of bed in the morning."

Guy on morning ritual

"What would happen if you accidentally superglued your sphincter?"

- Guy on scientific method

"I've seen a black guy with a small knob before"

Guy on equality.

“Do the words ‘anyone want to have a massage with a happy ending?’ come to mind when I mention Lunch?”
- Guy on lunch

"Ok I wanna see how many people follow me. How do I sign up? I scoff at MC Hammer"
Rookie on Twitter (and MC Hammer's 520,000 followers)

"I'd like to get my body working like a machine"
Guy on Personal Training

Why do I always end up in the Ocean.

Guy on Travel

"Trends struggle to keep up with me"
Guy on fashion.

“There's always going to be someone better than you. If you want to be happy, you can't look sideways"
Guy on ambition.

"...and that's why I believe in harems"
Guy on belief.

“I don’t need someone to tell me how to talk”
Guy on language.

"I am the master. My body is the pupil."

Guy on personal development.

"I wouldn't mind perhaps waxing my nuts for a change."

Guy on epilation

It's gay, but in a PC way!

Guy on politically correct name calling.

Porno? Hello! Fresh idea!!

Guy on concepts

"Good meetings are better than bad meetings."

Guy on meetings.

"Did you start working here because I work here?"

Guy on HR. Jan 09

"The truth is an illusion. It's like trimming the pubes. It's the optical inch."

Guy on body image - Jan 09

"Rolled up jeans are such a great look. You've gotta go where no man has gone before."

Guy on fashion Jan 09